You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
