someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
