I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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