WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize