she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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