just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
