My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
