Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize