Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
