i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
