O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
