dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
