This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
