From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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