Got a toothbrush?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
