I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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