I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
