where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
