He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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