In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even my vagina gasped.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize