We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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