I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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