omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
