I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
