Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
