I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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