So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
