Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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