The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there's paper in my vomit.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
