My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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