You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
