we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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