Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize