Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
