Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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