maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
