hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
