I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
