My hand turned me down
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
