He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
