You really coming over, don't trick.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
im on a boat
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