So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
