She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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