I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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