I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
