so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
pray to the hookup gods
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
