My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's blow job season.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
