did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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