I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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