So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
