I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it because I queefed?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
