I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
