Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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