We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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