When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
