lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
