...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
