wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
