Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
