im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
