Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
