I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
