I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
