is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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