Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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