Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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