we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize