Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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