My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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