wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize