the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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