Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
